If You Never Ask…
“You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” Wayne Gretzky
Dating is hard. When I was ready to date again after getting out of a five-year relationship, I was rusty. So I went to my comfort zone. I went out dancing. I was strutting my stuff, happy and flowing and I started dancing with this girl and the dance connection was amazing.
As the first song finished, she asked if we could dance a second song. The dance was great so I agreed. I didn’t think there was anything else happening until at the end of the second song she said “Hey, I love this song. Can we keep dancing?”
My head was whirling. Oh my god! I think she likes me! I felt like a giddy school kid. As the song finished, I said thank you. I wanted to keep dancing with her but was worried about overstaying my welcome. I walked away and instantly regretted it. There might have been a connection there.
As the night progressed, I kept obsessing about her and looking for her on the dance floor. And every time I saw her, she was looking directly at me. It wasn’t my imagination – she liked me!
So, finally, in the middle of the night, I asked her to dance again. We danced and the connection was beautiful – the flow, the softness, things I hadn’t felt in a while. By the sixth song, I gave myself a little pep talk. “Dude. Why don’t you just ask to talk to her to get to know her? Clearly we’re vibing. It’s not just in your head.”
Finally, I worked up the courage, “Hey do you want…”
She looked up at me and before I could even finish my sentence, she said yes with such enthusiasm that it scared me. I got spooked, said “Never mind” and walked away.
The disappointment was clear on her face and easy to read. In my head, I started berating myself. “Stupid! Stupid! Why?!” It didn’t make sense. Why would I hold on to a fantasy rather than actually having the experience? The potential rejection? Who cares? Being in this state of limbo ate away at me.
I had to fix this before the night was over. Once again I worked up my courage and asked her to dance. After dancing for a few more songs, I said, “Hey, why don’t we talk by the bar?” She smiled and beamed, and I could tell she was thinking “finally dude, finally you’re doing something about this!”
We were chatting but I was scared. I was scared because I wanted to ask for her phone number but I don’t even know how. I was rusty and none of my previous relationships had started this way. They all just happened and there was never a need to ask for phone numbers. How do you even ask?
I can still taste my embarrassment as I said in a high, squeaky voice; “Do you have a phone number?”
She was so kind. Her reply was “Yes. Do you want it?” She made it so easy for me!
I replied in the same high, squeaky voice; “Yes, please” I handed her my phone, she put in her number and we smiled. Within two days we went on our first date and we dated for a few months.
It was incredible because she was the first person that made me feel loved again. My confidence started to come back and I felt the glow of a good relationship. I’m so grateful to her. My regret would have been leaving that night and still not knowing if there really was a connection.
See because if you never ask, a “no” is guaranteed.
But what I’ve learned is that hearing “no” isn’t the worst. If you get a yes, you get what you want. If you get a no it might suck for a little bit but you get what you need. You get your freedom from wondering. You can move on, you can plan, you can move forward. You have an answer.
The worst is living in limbo – not knowing. Wondering what might have been, as it slowly eats away at you. So always ask because the only kind of limbo we need in our life is the one we have on a dance cruise.
I can’t wait to welcome you to our big family, have you coming in week to week, having fun, socializing, and letting loose to amazing Latin songs. Click here to check our current schedule.
If you have any questions you would like me to answer here are some ways you can contact me: message me on Instagram (torontodanceSalsa), on Twitter (#torontodanceSalsa), on Facebook (Toronto Dance Salsa) or email me at [email protected].