How To Make Friends
Making friends as adults is difficult. I have alwasys struggled with loneliness. I believe it is the world’s biggest problem and my mission is to create a world where everyone feels like they #belong. So what do you do to combat loneliness? Here are some tips on how to make friends as adults.
Take a class
Dance classes are amazing but really any type of class. There’s something to be said when you can come in on a weekly basis to the same class, with the same people, and have a chance to actually build connections. You quickly form bonds because you are all learning together. Now, a dance class is easy an easy win. Not because I run a dance school, but because it saved my life. My classmates became my friends. We would go out after class to grab drinks, go to Latin clubs, and celebrate birthdays with each other. It was amazing. Now maybe dance isn’t something you are open to, cool…take rock climbing, archery, knitting, learn a new language. Anything where you can attend weekly (this is important) and learn something.
Sociologists find that you can’t just have conversations in adulthood to make friendships happen; you also need vulnerability. This was the thing that was missing in my life. I realized as I took over the dance school, I had hundreds of conversations but they were all just empty. “Hey what TV show are you watching?” “Hey, what music do you listen to?” “Hey, how’s your day going?”
So open yourself up and be curious about other people. I would ask people what they do for fun, I would follow it up with “What pulled you into that?” And I would really listen. Then I would share my hopes and dreams and what made me insecure. It sounds intimidating and crazy but it worked. It worked because we remember how we felt more than we remember what was said or what we did. Suddenly I started to build meaningful connections and deep friendships.
Ask for Contact Information
Exchange numbers, create WhatsApp groups, Facebook groups etc. I know it is always scary to ask for information. What if they refuse? What if they reject you? Here’s the thing, if you never ask, it’s always a no. So trial and error, and sometimes people will say no and it’s okay. It’s not a failure it is just a fall. And when you fall you get back up again. And the truth is that most people are waiting for someone else to take charge and create those groups. Why not you?
I have learned that loneliness is a choice. It is not like I have conquered loneliness. I still feel lonely sometimes. But it is my choice to stay lonely or pick up the phone and call someone. It is the same for you.
Check out this study in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships. It says casual friendships emerge around 30 hours of time spent together. True friends emerge after approximately 50 hours. Good friendships emerge after 140 hours and best friends emerge after 300 hours.
So, it’s a numbers game. The more time you spend with people, the deeper your friendships will be. We can all make friends.
I can’t wait to welcome you to our big family, have you coming in from week to week, having fun, socializing, and letting loose to amazing Latin songs. Click here to check our current schedule.
If you have any questions you would like me to answer here are some ways you can contact me: message me on Instagram (torontodanceSalsa), on Twitter (#torontodanceSalsa), on Facebook (Toronto Dance Salsa) or email me at [email protected].