How To Keep the Magic in a Relationship

“Sometimes you never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory.” Dr. Seuss

I was a dramatic kid. I know, that’s not a surprise to any of you. It was certainly not a surprise to my mom. When I was 16 and in love for the first time, I had one of my more dramatic conversations with my mom. There’s always drama in love, right?

I ran into the house, “Mom, I have a massive problem!” She was immediately concerned but I continued. “It’s Alexis. I’m worried about my relationship with Alexis.”

Immediately suspicious, she asked, “What did you do?”

“I didn’t do anything! Why is it always me?”

My mom was still not convinced, “Because it’s always you. What did you do to the poor girl?”

“Nothing! I promise. I’m in love and I’m worried the relationship is going to get boring. We’ve been going out for three months. I know pretty much everything about her.”

My mom started laughing. I was crushed. I was baring my soul to my mother and she was laughing! “Why are you laughing?”

“There’s so much more to know. “

“It doesn’t feel like it. I know her favourite movies. I know her favourite foods, I know…” My mother continued to laugh. “Mom, I’m serious. I don’t want to lose the magic. I don’t want to be bored of her in six months. I want things to be exciting. I don’t know what to do!”

My mom was laughing so hard she was wiping tears from her eyes. “Relationships are like photo albums. When you get a new camera, you take pictures of everything. A new relationship is like that. Every moment you feel excitement is like a picture to put in your album of memories. Memories aren’t the things that you do but the emotions you feel. Each new memory is a new page in your photo album. So you have these big, powerful, emotional moments (both good and bad) to fill up your photo album. You can flip through it at any time and relive those moments.”

This made perfect sense to me, and what she said next made even more sense. “You only lose the magic when you put the photo album aside and don’t open it. There are no new memories to add. You have to work to create those new memories and take those pictures.  Magic is hard to get, but if you don’t do the work it’s even harder to keep.  Eventually, most people close their photo albums, set them aside and forget about them. Then they forget there was ever magic in the relationship.”

My mom was right. Alexis and I made new memories. We tried new things. We sustained the magic. Even the argument that broke us up was memorable. The reason I think of this is because of Toronto Dance Salsa. It is a magical place for me.

There’s so much magic here. I’m so grateful to be doing what I love. We should not have survived the pandemic. But we have more students at TDS now than we did pre-pandemic. That’s incredible. It took work before the pandemic, while we were closed and continues now that we have reopened. I work my butt off. I surround myself with special, beautiful people like the Helpers in the school and all of you. I am always creating new memories.

It takes hard work to get to the magic in a relationship, to get your health in order, or whatever you are working towards. It is easy to set the photo album aside and forget about it – to gain back the weight, to take yourself or your partner for granted. You forget to take photos. When I begin to feel things slipping away, I remember the conversation with my mother and remind myself not to close the photo album.

When I come to the studio, I’m a little more cognizant of the memories I’m creating. How do I show up better? How do I make sure that I checked in with all of you before you leave the class?  This week I challenge all of you to ignite that magic again by realizing that taking those new photos and making those memories is hard work. But there is no closing the photo album and putting it to the side. We need to keep adding more pages. I love you.

If you need to remind yourself of the Abundance of Love in your life, click on the article to read more.

I can’t wait to welcome you to our big family, have you coming in from week to week, having fun, socializing, and letting loose to amazing Latin songs. Click here to check our current schedule.

If you have any questions you would like me to answer, here are some ways you can contact me: message me on Instagram (torontodanceBachata), on Twitter (#torontodanceBachata), on Facebook (Toronto Dance Bachata) or email me at [email protected].