Today, I want to talk about how do we pull the right people into our life.
My story starts when I first took over the school. I was bringing a brand new culture and it was tough for a lot of people to adjust. A lot of people were uncomfortable with it, understandably so.
The hardest part as a leader for me, when I took over, was I never want to force people to do something that they didn’t believe in.
It was a big change and through those changes, people voiced their unhappiness.
I had many days during the first few years where I wanted to quit on the school. Quit on my dream because it felt like everybody around me was against what I was doing and against what I believed in.
So like a light, I started to dim it and make it smaller, but I felt trapped. I felt frustrated, lonely, that I did not really belong at my school and to the people around me.
I look at my school right now, five years later, and all the people around me believe in my vision. They want to follow, they want to lift other people up and do all the different things that I do in class to spread belonging in their own way.
So how did I get there? The biggest tip I have for you is to take responsibility for being a great lighthouse keeper.
Imagine you are on a cliff and you have a lighthouse. The lighthouse faces out into the sea of your dreams, your hopes, and all the people (ships) that will pass through either getting pulled towards your light, not see your light and pass by or avoid it because it shines too bright.
So you are a lighthouse keeper. A lighthouse keeper can’t control the weather outside the lighthouse…whether a fog wraps around it and it’s light doesn’t break through on some nights. A lighthouse keeper can’t complain when there’s too much snow or it’s too cold.
All he/she can control is going up those stairs, taking a rag, wiping the lens, making sure to replace the bulb, and just working on inside of the lighthouse to make sure that your light beams out into the world.
What I’ve learned is, every time I’ve dimmed my light those were the moments where the right people that I needed in my life would float on by because they wouldn’t see it.
Life is so messy. The Coronavirus is like a fog that we can’t see still out of. The only control we have is inside the internal work we do. And sometimes when you shine, bright people will look at you and be like, “that’s wrong and that’s weird”. They’ll ask questions like, “why is it green? why is it blue?, why is it a different color? What are you doing?”. They’ll start yelling at you and you’re going to look down over the rail. At people criquing your light and as a consequence…you dim it or turn it off completely.
You throw a tarp over it. You go downstairs, you lie on your cot and you shut yourself off from the world. Then you get lonely because deep down you want to bring that light out. But too many times, people downstairs would look up and say, “that’s too bright or that’s the wrong color”. Whatever it is, while they’re not maintaining their own lighthouse, ironically, they get uncomfortable with what you are doing.
So you try to go back up…but now it’s hard just to get up those stairs because you’re so exhausted. Or because your knees hurt because you’ve been beaten down all your life.
We can’t control the outside world. If you want to pull in the right people like I’ve done, I’ve just had to work hard to bring out my light especially on days when it can’t fully cut through the fog. We can just keep climbing up.
Here’s the best part, some days will be easier than others. The days when it’s pitch black and you’re downstairs and just a brand new day, you don’t have the strength to go up. You can’t even see the stairs.
In those days, reach out to the people that you do trust. People that make you feel like you #belong. The other lighthouse keepers to walk into your lighthouse and just bring a candle.
That’s the other thing I struggled so much with, letting in the right people to support me. I did not want to burden the other lighthouse keepers, worried that I will take away from their light. Forgetting that, just letting a person I trust step in and bring a candle doesn’t take away from how bright their lighthouse shines.
I was focused in my life too much on the people who did not want the same thing as I did. Those people telling me that the light is wrong, that light is bad or it’s the wrong color.
But the world needs more light. We all have a duty. So in the darkest nights, in the foggiest of days, we’re shining bright to give guidance to others.
Sometimes you will shine so bright that it will overwhelm the ships out in sea. That’s not on you. It’s not their fault. They’re just not ready.
But with focus and light, when you shine it into the sea of potential of whatever you want to build, the people you want to pull in, suddenly…I don’t know when. One day, one week, 1 month or 5 years…you will be surrounded by exactly the people you need most.
Be your own lighthouse keeper. Climb up. Sometimes you have the strength just to go one step at a time. Sometimes you have five, it’s okay and it’s worth it. When you dedicate your life to going up, polishing, changing the light bulb, making those internal adjustments, suddenly you look around and there’s light all around you. There are other lighthouse keepers all around you. They are laughing and being joyous to understand you. Be your greatest lighthouse keeper!
I really hope we brought you value and if you have a question you want me to answer, please email us. I would love to have the opportunity to hear from you so we can more thrive and less just survive.
I love you all.