How did we get into this mess?
One of my biggest pet peeves is when my mom would give me advice or try to fix my problems without me asking.
This Saturday as we are talking and I say to her:
“Mom I feel so stupid, I have really let my standards go down with the business. It’s frustrating that I am still being such a baby about all of this…”
Before I could finish, she interrupts and says
“Son, you are not stupid and for all the things you want to improve on…there is so much you should see you are doing well.”
“No, I understand that there is a lot to be grateful for but I don’t care about that. I want to improve on being more accountable in the business…”
She interrupts again
“Sure, there is always room to improve. Still, look at how many people love you and how well you have done surviving the pandemic. Shouldn’t you be happy where you are?”
I thought to myself…
Why can’t she ever just listen to me?
why does she have to try to solve things for me or give me advice?
Frustrated with feeling unheard by her we started to argue again…
“Why are you trying to solve or fix me” I say
“I am not! Why can’t you ever listen to me.” She would reply
So back and forth we went like a game of ping pong, but unlike ping pong our game would end with use hanging up on the other.
Sometimes it would end with use not talking for a bunch of weeks.
Then I did something different, I asked myself a different question.
How did WE get into this mess?
The answer came instantly and I realized all these years I always talk to my mom about my struggles.
From my point of view I felt I was letting her in but from her point of you she was seeing her son suffering and asking for help.
What followed after was an apology from me and this
“Mom, wow I never realized that my sharing may have sounded like complaining. I love my life! I get to wake up to a life I build and I believe that my standards should be better to have an even better life.”
“What…?” She looked confused
“I know I don’t talk about all the great things that I have but I don’t care to celebrate those things. I have people in my life to celebrate those things with. You’re my mom and for me I want you to see the struggles I am going through and witness the man I want to become. I’m sorry that I never realized that earlier. Believe me when I say this. Your son loves his life.”
My mom started to tear up and then started to laugh. Suddenly all the stupid arguments we had before made sense.
It’s easier to point my finger outwards (even when you know they are at fault) than to look inwards.
I realize now that to break the cycles I have been stuck in, I have to look inside and stop blaming others.
BECAUSE
There is never one person at fault…we all have to take responsibility for the part we play.
So ask yourself in your next argument “How did WE get into this mess” and help clean it up.
