• Turning down a dance
It cannot be stressed enough that rejecting someone’s offer to dance can be a very negative experience for that dancer and has even led some to give up dancing. Do your best to accept every offer unless you are uncomfortable with the person. Remember that people have very long memories and one rejection (for whatever innocent reason it may be) may be remembered for a long time. The salsa scene is a small one and people do relay stories about others. Be as gracious as possible. If there is a legitimate reason for the refusal, please specify it (e.g., I have just been dancing up a storm and am taking a break, I promised someone else this dance but maybe we can dance later, I am just about to leave, etc). Don’t forget to ask that person to dance later on if it is possible as a show of respect. Try to never reject a person and then go dance with another person immediately after. Dancers, especially beginners, are trying to build, gain and maintain confidence. This can be very hurtful and affect a person’s ability to ask others to dance.

If you are on the other side of this scene where you have been rejected for a dance, keep a practical and positive perspective and remember that it is not a rejection of you as a person but potentially the circumstance. There are many other dancers who would be more than happy to accept a dance.

• Ladies – how to get asked to dance
If you are not comfortable in the asking role, there are many tips to use to be more approachable. Always make yourself visible. Stand at the edge of the dance floor. Make eye contact with potential dance partners around you and those coming off the dance floor. Let your interest and eagerness to dance show and never stop smiling. Remember the rules of body language – gestures such as crossing your arms, looking down, looking bored, uninterested or unapproachable and congregating with groups of friends are just a few things to avoid. Dance with anyone who asks as women who dance throughout the night are seen by male dancers as more likely to accept their invitation to dance. A man is more likely to ask a woman as she is walking off the dance floor after completing a dance then one who is standing around. Also, the more partners you accept, the more dancers you get to know, and this opens up new networks and groups of dancers to you, as dancers often introduce you to their friends and fellow dancers.

• How to read your partner’s skill level
Every partner you dance with will be at a different level. If you are a male the best process to use is to start slowly and gain momentum according to your partners’ skill level. Begin by executing basic footwork, turns and basic cross body variations. If your partner is following with ease then slowly introduce more difficult moves. If you are a beginner female, specify this when you are asked to dance so the male is aware of your position and can work with your skill level.

Part 3 coming up in the next blog post!

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“Learning proper dance-floor etiquette rules

Raymond V. Whelan
Special to the Wilson County News
August 12, 2008

If you are a single person who is really earnest about meeting and making friends with the opposite gender, learn to dance.

Take social dance lessons from accomplished relatives, friends, neighbours, or professional instructors, whatever it may take to get you out on the dance floor. And don’t let anyone, including yourself, say you can’t dance because you have two left feet or some other reason.

Furthermore, don’t ever let anyone tell you tough guys don’t dance. Look at James Cagney. He was a tough guy who tap-danced all through the movie Yankee Doodle Dandy, and he won an Academy Award for doing so.

Whether you enjoy blues, country, pop, salsa, or swing, or any other kind of music, you can learn to dance well to a particular style of music with reasonable effort and practice.

Learning how to dance is really simple. The most difficult and important part of the dance is knowing and understanding dance-floor etiquette, no matter if the dance is for a birthday party, block party, homecoming, hootenanny, high school prom, family reunion, or wedding reception.

Most dance floor “rules of the road” involve nothing more than common sense. For instance, don’t allow your body or clothes to look or smell like old unwashed laundry, and don’t let your breath reek of alcohol or tobacco before you meet your partner on the dance floor.

Frequently, both men and women can be quite shy while searching for a dance partner. However, when you decide to ask someone to dance, it ought not be a complicated operation. Just extend your hand toward a prospective partner and ask politely, “Would you like to dance?”.

Anyone may decline someone’s offer to dance at any time, for any reason, without any explanation. Certainly, you can just say “No” whenever you decline an offer to dance. However, “No, thank you” sounds better.

Take care not to leap from your seat and dance with somebody during a dance number immediately after you have declined to dance with someone else during the same dance number. To do so would be the height of dance-floor tackiness.

If you are terribly afraid or paralyzed by the thought of a potential dance partner refusing your invitation to step onto the dance floor, you may resort to a defense mechanism.

Before you ask potential Partner A to dance, keep potential Partner B within your peripheral vision. If potential Partner A refuses your offer to dance, proceed without complaint to potential Partner B and ask him or her to dance. You should be able to move to the alternative partner without actual or visible discomfort to your ego.

It is a very good idea to wear proper shoes on the dance floor. Boots are cool for country two-step and country waltz, but they tend to be wrong for foxtrot, tango, swing, and other ballroom dance styles. Depending on the type of event, music, and dance floor, sneakers may be OK.

If you maintain eye contact with your partner, it will help you anticipate movement and always make you look more confident during a dance number. So, do not stare at your feet while you dance, because eyeballing your feet will make the dance much more difficult than it should be.

And please, don’t get downhearted when you mess up the proper steps on the dance floor!

Women seem especially prone to express embarrassment when they fumble on hand or foot maneuvers. Truth be known, most gentlemen do not pay much heed to their lady partners’ missteps, because they are happy enough just to enjoy dancing with an attractive person in the first place. If your dance partner has any grace or experience at all, he or she should reassure you when you make some minor mistake during a dance number.

Take some time to show your partner some appreciation for taking the time to dance with you after the end of a dance number. For ladies, it could be a simple “Thank you”. For gentlemen, it could be “Thank you”…

Remember what Ella Fitzgerald said “It don’t mean a thing if it ain’t got that swing” meaning that dance should enhance your social skills, add some exercise and energy, and who knows, maybe even some romance to your life.” by Raymond V. Whelan.

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Men, here are some girls night secrets that we discussed! The first discussion was mentioned by Kimberly in her guest post and focuses on how some men and women get better and better and better and all of a sudden start to get worse as dancers, not because they stop dancing but mainly because they start to care more about their styling and advanced moves then making their partner look good. It is great to take styling and advanced classes but slowly incorporate it into your dance smoothly and make sure it enhances the dance and works with your partner instead of taking away from the partnership.

We traded ideas about the qualities of good dancers and the main ones included being smooth, being fun, challenging us without overdoing it and having a varied dance. Smooth means easy to follow moves, smooth transitions, rhythm and musicality and eveness in resistance. Fun means eye contact, taking the dance lightly, joking about mistakes, really immersing yourself in the dance. Challenging us means moves and patterns that keep us interested and busy without overdoing the turnpatters or shines. Having a varied dance means using all the different aspects of the dance such as turn patterns, shines, styling…slow down, speed up, close dancing, open dancing…playful, serious…keep the dance changing and varying to keep it interesting and unique.

Hopefuly these tips will help…until the next girls night!

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The basic gist of the post was that some people get extremely upset about being injured by others on the dance floor, to the point where it is uncomfortable or disruptive. Here is my advice about avoiding injuries and what to do if you do injure or are injured on the dance floor.

Ladies, if you are wearing heals, please try to not put all your weight on the heel when you step. For balance, speed and safety it is much better to step back with your weight on the toe. That way your weight doesn’t shift back too much which will avoid you losing balance, following too slowly and, most importantly, grinding your heel into someone’s foot. I think this is the most common injury and it rarely comes from men stepping on women. It is always women with crazy painful dance shoes stepping very heavily on your foot…ouch!

Ladies, spot where you are heading towards when being led and take small controlled steps. This will avoid your partner leading you into another couple on the dance floor. When bringing your arms up be very careful of your elbow – it can be a serious weapon.

Gentlemen, consider yourselves the driver of a very expensive car (porshe, ferrari, whatever you like :). You wouldn’t drive this car without carefully seeing where you are heading and what is in front of you. You would look over your shoulder when changing lanes and look carefully around you when parking. Dancing is no different! Look carefully to see where you are taking your partner and divert her if someone dances into the space. Be aware of you surroundings and remember that it is better to be safe than sorry.

Even with care, injuries are inevitable. Should you injure someone on the dance floor, please make eye contact with that person and mouth an apology. If it is a serious injury that has made the person stop dancing, stop yourself and ask if they are ok and apologize.

If you were injured by someone, remember that it was not intentional. I have gotten upset many times over very painful injuries and I had to remind myself that it happens and that I have done the same to others.

Hopefully we can all reduce incidents and keep the dance floor a positive haven!

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